9 Signs You And Your Roommate Are A Perfect Match – Number Five Will Blast Your Penis Clean Off!
Your roommate isn’t just a person who lives with you. They’re your closest confidante, best friend, and – dare I say it? – total soulmate. They also witnessed the devastating accident that resulted in your penis being blast clean off your body! Here are some things that everyone who loves their roomie – and were victims of a very unfortunate mishap – know to be true.
1. You and your roommate are just goals!
2. You totally have your own #SQUAD. And it’s goals!
3. You two always eat the SAME food at the SAME time with the SAME utensils you share!
4. You plan your ritual sacrifices around the same pre-Gregorian calendar. So cute!
5. You’re both total klutzes. Remember that time you forgot to take the wet spoon out of the microwave, and the debris in the resulting explosion severed your penis from the rest of your body leaving you nothing but a mutilated shell of your former self? Facepalm!
6. You two really both like going out to the same parties – that is before the accident killed your sex drive and all desire to see other people.
7. You loved telling jokes to each other except they always revolved around how attached to your body your penis was, so for obvious reasons you can’t really do that anymore.
8. You share all your clothes particularly underwear that has a slot your penis would poke through so that you don’t have to take your actual pants all the way off to go to the bathroom. What will you do now?
9. All in all, you two love each other no matter what – even though your roommate frequently calls you “Useless to the procreative gene pool of humanity.”