9 Signs You And Your Roommate Are A Perfect Match – Number Five Will Blast Your Penis Clean Off!

Your roommate isn’t just a person who lives with you. They’re your closest confidante, best friend, and – dare I say it? – total soulmate. They also witnessed the devastating accident that resulted in your penis being blast clean… Read More

Top 10 Beers Ranked by How Mean They Make My Stepdad

Bold. Brisk. Breathtaking. These words describe some of the tastiest beers in America. They also describe my stepdad’s unprovoked anger. With so many different beers on the market, it can be difficult to sort through all of the… Read More

Spooky! This Girl Sent Out A Cry For Help From Another Dimension

Warning! The following account is totally spine tingling! Syracuse University freshman Jenny found herself in a chilling situation when she accidentally performed the Elevator Ritual in Brewster hall while trying to visit friends. Once she found herself in… Read More

5 Ironic Tee’s That Will Make Him Cum In His Pants The Minute He Sees You

It’s a fact that quirky humor is super sexy. But it’s also a fact that women have a hard time being funny. It’s just not something we were designed for, according to science. Luckily, there’s a quick fix… Read More

Astonishing: Meet The Brave Photographer Who Captured The Whitest Photo Of All Time

Marcus Montgomery was getting on the bus to his apartment while overhearing two girls checking the receipt of the scones they just bought, as if they were going to return them or something. After spending all day in… Read More

BREAKING: Fetty Wap Found Dead on Stratford

The Kumquat has the sad misfortune to report that Fetty Wap was found dead around 5:30 p.m. today. Fetty Wap was set to be the headliner for the year’s most anticipated event, Juice Jam, but was impeded by… Read More

There’s No Easy Way To Say This, And We Didn’t Know How To Contact You, But Brad You’re Out Of The Kumquat

Dear Brad, it’s never easy to say goodbye. But as painful as it is to say, you’ve given us no other choice. We respect you enough to try to say this to your face, but the truth is… Read More

RECAP: The Top 10 Most Unbelievable Things James Franco Did During His Live Appearance at Syracuse University!

There’s nobody quite like James Franco. A modern day renaissance-man, Mr. Franco is always ready to do just about anything for a fun-loving audience. Saturday night was no different as the beloved movie star gave a performance that… Read More

The Kumquat’s Definitive Ranking of Syracuse University Greek Life

We can all agree that nothing is more important to the Syracuse University campus than Greek life. Fraternities especially serve as unofficial campus centers for tank tops, beer stained furniture, and, of course, those philanthropy events we just… Read More

First Year Players’ ‘Heathers’ Review

The highly anticipated First Year Players production of ‘Heathers’, has been a year in the making. In that span, there have already been 3 ‘Annie’ Revivals, including the Jamie Foxx motion picture installment. For such a long wait… Read More