Kumquat Exclusive: Listen To The Best 30 Seconds of Caroline’s Day

Meet Caroline. Caroline had a good day today. What were the best 30 seconds of Caroline’s day? Click on her pretty face to find out.


This morning at 11:45 a.m., officials reported overheard sniffling on the second floor of the Hall of Languages. The student, who had left the classroom to blow his nose, was tackled and escorted to Health Services. “We might not make it… Read More


The Kumquat has confirmed that a student in Sadler Hall, who had been showing symptoms of the cold, was just diagnosed with the cold. He was seen Friday night walking around without a jacket, which according to the… Read More

These Brave Dogs Shared Their Micro-Agressions And It Will Change The Way You See Dogs Forever

Bark, Bark? More like systematically oppressed. Words matter, and what we say to dogs matter. They may be sniffing their butts, but that doesn’t mean they’re not listening. Think next time before you assume you know what it’s… Read More

This Is What Democracy Looks Like!

       That’s right! These guys voted. They voted today. Good for them. Go Democracy.

Straight Male Finally Comes Out: “Baseball Sucks”

The Gallagher household was shaken this past Tuesday when their eldest son, Brett Gallagher, brought a perfectly fine dinner conversation to a screeching halt by revealing his long-suppressed feelings about the sport of baseball. His father, Joseph Gallagher,… Read More

6 Catcalls That Actually Work

Are you self-conscious when you scream at women? Not getting the reaction you think you deserve? It’s not you — it’s probably your catcalls! Here are 6 catcalls that will definitely get the ladies to fall to their… Read More

12 Things that Actually Happened

1. The Apollo 11 Moon Landing in 1969 2. When Ashley lost her phone at the Theta Chi party and then found it later 3. The abolition of slavery in the United States in 1865 4. When Kathi… Read More

6 Pics To Remind You Why Autumn Is The Best Season To FALL Into A Big Ol’ Pile Of Laundry

1. It’s that time of year again! That gusty autumn breeze might sweep you off your feet and into a gigantic pile of laundry. But that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? 2. Crossing… Read More

This Naked Model Going on a Racist Tirade is Scary and Hot at the Same Time — WARNING: NSFW

We caught you, you weirdo. Why do you actually want to see this? Your boss told us he’s been having problems with you. Here are some questions you need to ask yourself:  Are you at work right now? … Read More