Putin On The Ritz: Advice For A Luxurious Life

American scum. Fanciness is a state of mind that you must annex. Nothing says you are the supreme leader of the world fashion like a fine tailored suit, some nice loafers, and your coldest frown. Take note and remember… Read More

Delicious and Instagram-worthy Meals, #2 Looks Amazing!

We thought these meals looked great in person, but wait until you see what happens when these “foodies” shared them on Instagram.   1. Carne Picata Burritos Mmm, nothing like a burrito after a long day of class…. Read More

10 NOPE Species We’re Excited For Climate Change To Get Rid Of

Yesterday, hundred of thousands of people flocked to New York City to join the People’s Climate March. While that’s all well and good for some, The Kumquat likes to look at the bright side. Climate change doesn’t have to… Read More

The Man Corner: Five Grievances

The Man Corder is a weekly column written by Kumquat contributor, Christopher P. Incandenza. The following opinions don’t necessarily reflect the opinions of The Kumquat—unless you agree. Before I begin to outline the ways males across this planet… Read More

The Top 5 Most GIF-able Moments Of The Ukraine Crisis

Violence has broken out in the Ukraine. Friend fighting against friend, brother fighting against brother—it’s pretty much the American Civil War but with much less America. With civil unrest, police brutality, and invasions by a world superpower, what’s… Read More

ESF Doctoral Candidate Findings Reveal Animals Are Incapable of Love

Jonathan Ramsey, a Ph.D. student at the SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry, published a study this week that proves animals are completely incapable of loving their human owners. “After performing extensive behavioral studies over a period… Read More

Is Beauty REALLY In The Eye Of The Beholder? Studies Say: “No.”

Contrary to previously widely held beliefs, a study conducted by The Alliance for Future Happiness and Well-being found that beauty may not actually be in the eye of the beholder. In fact, some people are just objectively ugly…. Read More

Putin In A “Heterosexual” Relationship With A Male Bear Named Boris

The Russian tabloid Us vs Them Weekly has finally revealed the name of Vladamir Putin’s lover: a bear named Boris. The Russian president and Boris the bear were spotted foraging in a countryside outside of Moscow. Putin reportedly… Read More

Top 3 Most Romantic Suicide Pacts For Valentine’s Day

Looking for a new and exciting way to to get closer with your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day? Try the  trendiest and most fail-proof method of couple’s therapy: suicide pacts! They’re a great way to build trust and settle… Read More

Obama Pardons Edward Snowden in Exchange for Help Fixing Healthcare.gov

WASHINGTON – President Obama held a press conference on Tuesday announcing his official pardon of former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden. The decision came as a surprise to many, who supported President’s previous plan to punish Snowden… Read More