Hiring An ESF Student Is Now Tax Deductible

To encourage employers to consider hiring more wildlife science, forest health, and aquatics and fisheries majors, the State of New York has officially made employing SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry students a benefit on tax returns. Considered a stimulus for the green job sector, this is predicted to launch New York as the national leader in environmental issues, the biggest of which is the unemployment of college graduates with environmental degrees.

Governor Andrew Cuomo made the statement last month that hiring an ESF student is equivalent to “donating to a desperate charity.”  His statement echoed reports that state and national parks, which have become prime ESF habitat, are now overrun with homeless ESF students fighting over trees.

During the academic school year, generous fraternities and sororities have taken to hiring ESF students. George Spektor, a business major in Sigma Phi Epsilon, admitted, “The ESF students seem very grateful and respectful. I always feel fulfilled when I see them cleaning my bathroom when I throw up all over the tiles after a classic blackout Friday.”

Other “landscape architecture” majors have found success doing yard work on fraternity property. “After spending the summer volunteering on an organic farm in California, I thought I could apply my knowledge to start a garden at FIJI,” said landscape architect Richard Baker.

Dylan Comerford, a brother at FIJI, admits that he was surprised at how much he appreciated the garden. “At first I thought all the other frats would make fun of us.” he said. ”But once I tasted Richard’s cherry tomatoes, no amount of macho culture could pry fruits of his hard labor from my grasp.”

Gardener Baker isn’t allowed to eat any of the tomatoes that he cultivates for FIJI, but he said that he’s just happy that he is expanding the market for organic groceries, and that he is employed.

  • Jim McNeil

    I knew sending my child to esf would lead to great things in her life! And this article says just that!

  • Flatfootflewzy

    Haha what a terrible article. Good luck getting a job at The Onion, losers.